Friday, December 08, 2006

Tis the Season (Still!)

I will admit, here and now, that I am a bad girl. Not a "bad girl", but that I am bad at being a girl. Blame it on growing up with three brothers, blame it on raising a son. Blame it on having surrounded myself all my life with males, from the furbags even down to the guinea pig.

I hate to shop. I despise the mall. I despise gift shops. I despise cutsey little specialty stores. I even hate my grocery store now that they have rearranged all the aisles and it takes me twenty minutes to figure out where they've put the refried beans or some other random food item.

But, tis the season, buy some presents, ho ho ho, mistletoe and cheer. Let's all head out to the mall and max out our credit cards. (Which I do not do, laboring as I still do with my poor-person syndrome. If I don't have cash, I don't need it. And neither do you.)

The night before my shopping jaunt (which more closely resembles a male's know what you want, know where it is, get it, pay for it, and leave routine than a female's oh there might be something I could possibly talk myself into buying over there routine), there was the shoot-out at the Food Court. But since I'd rather eat raw chitlins than mall food, I figured I'd be pretty safe.

HOLY THIRD WORLD COUNTRY BAZAAR, ST NICK!

WTF is up with all the vendors in the mall halls? I couldn't take two steps without being accosted by someone wanting me to touch something or let them spray something on me. I was even chased down by one over eager young man who said he "wasn't going to bite". I think he mistook my expression of extreme annoyance for fear. He better learn some better people reading skills if he wants to survive the holiday shopping season, that's all I gotta say.

So what was so important that he chased me down? He needed to know if I had "natural nails". To which I wished I'd replied by jamming one into his eye socket so he could see it better, but I really just said, "Yes, I'm in health care and that is all I am allowed to have" before stomping off.

Then the same girl who tried to spray me only five minutes before (I had to actually dodge the spray cloud and tell her I had allergies) came at me again. "I STILL HAVE ALLERGIES," I said, mentally adding the "you stupid twit ass bitch" because I didn't think it would earn me any good karma points.

Next time I'll take my chances dodging bullets in the Food Court.


Thor sez: I don't see any presents under the tree!

4 comments:

Uncle Zoloft said...

Shop today - downtown. Over 120 Red Ribbon Retailers are donating 10% of every dollar spent to Lowcountry AIDS Services. Guilt free shopping for a great cause. There's an ad in today's Postless Courier.

JanetLee said...

Uncle Z - I would love to shop today, but I shall instead spend the day sleeping off a ten hour night shift.

jaz said...

I shopped downtown today. Does it count if I shop?

peg said...

You captured a few of the many reasons I am glad it's possible to shop via internet. (I believe it counts that jaz shopped, fyi.)