Monday, April 02, 2007

Why Fundies Love Newt

1. He served Wife One with divorce papers while she was in the hospital being treated for cancer, while (allegedly) screwing Wife Two-to-be.

2. Jesus said that 'he who was without sin' could cast the first stone at the adulterous woman, well Newtie was lobbing boulders at Clinton for screwing Monica (or whatever they were doing) while Newtie was boffing (admitted) Wife Three-to-be while still married to Wife Two. (But he said he'd drawn a "moral line" in his mind about it).

(Rhetorical question: Which is the worse "sin"? To commit a sin or to condemn a sinner for the same sin you are committing?)

3. He is racist. (Spanish is a ghetto language). Go read some Jorge Luis Borges. (Oh yeah, those types don't read no furrin' books, if they were any good, they'd be Americans.)

4. I'm pretty sure he's homophobic. (I get your religion says it's wrong. That's cool. Don't be gay, smoke crack and deny and blame your wife for driving you to a male prostitute, whatever you need to look yourself in the mirror in the morning. But what if I don't follow your religion? Don't I have the freedom of an American citizen to pursue my happiness?)

5. James Dobson likes him. The end. (insert sound of fundamentalist minds slamming shut).

Loki sez: Oh relax, have some nip.

1 comment:

Marcheline said...

I'm with Loki. His tongue looks like a rose petal... how cute is that?

- M