Tuesday, October 30, 2007

How to Waste Half a Day

Begin preparations a week in advance with stressful working conditions and poor sleep. Add in one I-had-an-accident-on-I-95 phone call. Add 40 mile round trip to vet for nothing.

Simmer, over three days, copious amounts of Loki DRAMA.

Mix in usual duties of housekeeping/cooking/laundry/errands on top of special Halloween preparations.

The day before, incorporate a spontaneous Loki recovery. (I am seriously beginning to suspect a multiple personality disorder - Loki, not me!)

Blend various options of optimizing new found harmony.

Prepare to sleep with cats allowed free roam of house. Including bedroom.

Fall into a blissful sleep.

Awaken with something touching your forehead. Realize it is Thor's ass. Refrain from screaming, "eeewwww!" Calmly and quietly ask Thor WTF he is doing. Lift blankets so Thor can go under, curl up for approximately 0.00010/second, then emerge.

Forget to put hand back under covers.

Awaken to find Loki claws embedded in the flesh of your palm while he licks your thumb. Put hand under blankets.

Awaken to Thor walking across your stomach.

Awaken to Loki trying to fit on the three inch space between you and the edge of the mattress. Extra bonus of 15 pound cat sitting directly on your stomach as he contemplates the physics of fitting his fat body into such a small space.

Awaken to realize that someone has appropriated 75% of the available blankets and at least 20% of the remaining blankets are pinned down beneath two stretched out length-wise cats.

Sleep facing one way until your backside is frozen.

Turn and sleep the opposite way until your frontside is frozen.

Give up, find socks in dark, freezing cold room. Try and fail to find marshmallow robe in closet. Stagger to living room, collapse on sofzilla, shiver uncontrollably under cold blanket on cold couch for ten minutes.

Fall asleep.

Awaken to something touching your forehead. Realize it is Thor's ass. Again. This time say, "eeewww!" Turn over, fall asleep.

Awaken to sound of prison break alarm clock sound. Fall asleep. Awaken seven minutes later to alarm. Fall asleep. Awaken seven minutes later to alarm.

Tell Jason no, you do not care for any coffee and you are going to bed.

Awaken at 10:30 a.m.

Say bad words.

Thor sez: I deny any and all allegations made in the preceding post.

1 comment:

Marcheline said...

That cat ass thing? We call it "the old brown-eye".

Usually signalled by the presence of a tail draped over your forehead while you sleep. As you rise into wakefulness, you first feel fur, then you realize it's tail fur, and then you remember what is right next to tail fur, and that's when the screaming starts.

- M