Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I miss spinach

I can feel my iron levels dropping even now. As an (at least) two bag a week household, recent events have left a rather large hole in our diets.

I appreciate the work the news channels have done in getting out the word. I mean, if it weren't for their coverage, I'd have no idea why there was no spinach in my grocery store, or why there were big signs posted about the ban on sales.

But one channel (probably Fox, they are the most frothing at the mouth to make a story even bigger and scarier than it ever had to be - Toy pandas..cute or...DEADLY COMMUNIST MENANCE from CHINA???), took it to a new level.


Yes, America. Forget the fact that most of those spinach fields were flooded last winter/spring and most flood waters contain human waste. Forget the fact that some government agency (DHEC or FDA, I can't recall which) suggested that farmers have their soil tested for contamination after the floods. Overlook the fact that the migrant workers willingly stooping over in the hot sun and picking your spinach for probably fifty cents a bushel are afraid to leave the fields lest they attract any kind of attention to themselves, so may relieve themselves in said field.

No, forget ALL of that. The MOST REASONABLE conclusion to pole jump to is agro-terrorism.

Yes, Mr. and Mrs. America, while you slept, Islamo-fascist terrorists snuck into California, armed with Ex-lax and Feenamint, and pooped all over the SPINACH fields because we KNOW how much Americans love their dark green leafy veggies, especially spinach. School children across the nation are devasted and terrorized by this evil plot (probably planned by the Iranians, let's go bomb them! Okay? Huh? Can we can we can we can we can we?)

Here is a news flash. Bad, weird things happened in America before 9/11 and bad, weird things will continue to happen in America and not all of it will have terrorists behind it. And just like the weathermen and their death-doom-destruction rants everytime a tropical storm forms, constantly trying to contort a story to provide a possible terrorism angle will begin to make people pay less attention.

Stop it.
Thank you.

(Imagine cute kitten picture here because blogger won't upload it and I have a dentist appointment and I can't sit here all DAY trying to see if blogger feels like uploading my picture or not.)
It was a cute one, really, way cuter than any other picture I've put here, I swear. It is so cute that it should be posted around the perimeter of every brussel sprout farm in America to protect them from the feces-jihadists that are spraying our most beloved veggies with Islamo-fascist poopie because to look upon such sweet cuteness would surely melt the hardest of terrorist hearts.

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