I was at the drug store this morning, dropping off my latest roll of kitten film and buying some stuff to try to make Jason's allergies go away. There was an elderly man in line ahead of me. He was buying a Valentine's Day card and a bottle of Maalox.

Honey, I love you but you give me diarrhea.

Perhaps Hallmark could cash in on this vast aging baby boomer population by creating "open and lick" cards. Happy Valentines Day (Viagra lick) or optional (Cardizium lick) Merry Christmas (Prozac lick) or optional (Valium lick) Happy Thanksgiving (Pepsid lick)

But it inspired me and I rushed off to get Jason's Valentine's Day present which is a...........ha ha.....you didn't think I'd really tell?

I can say with all honesty that it is something which I have never purchased before, ever in my whole entire life.

And it isn't Maloxx.