Monday, February 01, 2010

Bad Kitten Mommy!

Oh, the Loki guilt I am getting. I can't believe I forgot Loki Sunday! It's been a strange week and is only going to get stranger as we move into next week.

Loki sez: You call that an apology? Where is my fancy Fancy Feast Chicken Florentine with Garden Greens????

As some may know, I came out of the closet recently and admitted to a near crippling bout of serious depression that has been going on for almost a year now, and rapidly got much worse in last few months of the year.

I'd been putting a good face on and pretending and hiding pretty well, but basically through December, I stayed in bed until I "had" to do something or interact with other humans, then put on my happy face for as long as I could.

And I come to have a little insight into all those "out of no-where" suicides that we've all known. A person can fake it for a good long while. It was scary when I started telling people the truth and most had no idea.

Then you add in the guilt factor. I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. In a country where people are afraid for their jobs, I have had it pretty good. Good, stable job, good income, affordable home that I wasn't stressing about, good physical health, great relationship, healthy, happy family.

I love my FP doc, when I told her the above, she rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, yeah, nothing except that you are perimenopausal and you stopped taking your hormone birth control about six months ago and your brain chemistry is probably completely out of whack."

So I started on a medication and it was amazing, about the second week, I just got out of bed one morning and felt like ME again.

Now I am trying to clean up the mess of having done nothing essentially for the last four months. Getting myself back on track both physically and emotionally and mentally.

Loki sez: I'm sad cos I don't have extra breakfasts or extra cat nip parties.

9 comments:

Chris M said...

I'm certain I am not alone in saying I'm glad you're back. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am older than you are but have been struggling with the same issue. I too am very blessed and still "feel" unmotivated. I have tried 3 differen meds...one made me literally pull my hair out!!
The other 2 did nothing....I am working on diet and exercise now.
Thanks for sharing....it is always helpful to know we are not alone.
God Bless, Pam, South Bend

Pat said...

Back in 2002 or 3, I told one of my docs - can't remember which one now :) - that I needed something for depression and whoever it was very calmly wrote out a prescription for a low dose birth control for me...no questions asked. It worked like a charm. When my periods stopped a couple years later, I quit taking the pills. After a month of hot flashes, I was through with menopause. I hope you have the same luck, Janet!

Pam said...

I'm 51 - and for a year or more my brain chemistry has been a mess. The more I talk with women - the more common the experience seems to be (so much so that unfortunately it seems to be the 'norm'.) I went on an anti-anxiety med for the year after my Mom died - and while I blamed it on exhaustion and grief, after talking with my Mom's sisters - I realized that all three of them (including my Mom) went on anti-anxiety meds when there were about 50. After a year I went off the med, and haven't had the same symptoms return (thankfully). Hang in there - and how great is it that you're already responding to the meds - just in time for spring!

Sharon said...

Yay for modern medicine, huh? I'm very glad you reached out for help and were able to get it. I'm sure Loki and Thor are, too.

JanetLee said...

Thank you everyone for your kind comments!

Pam- diet and exercise and involving myself in a cause or charity worked for me during my seasonal bouts of the "blues" for many years. I was just lucky that the first medicine we tried worked like a charm for me. It is very hard to find one that works.

Pat & Pam - it is so common! Almost every woman I know who is going or went through a "natural menopause" has had this problem. Mine was compounded by my coming off birth control. That sent my hormones crashing down. I didn't want to continue with the hormones due to my history of migraines and the family history of stroke and aneurysms, so I'm glad the medication worked so quickly to get me to my normal.

It was an interesting situation to be in and certainly gave me some personal insight into how mental illness, especially depression in women, is viewed in our culture.

Sharon - I don't know about Thor and Loki. They are getting chased up and down the hall these day, not getting to snuggle in bed or on the couch!

Anonymous said...

Also look into light therapy. It's more than a coincidence that this occurred over the winter/rainy months. Not the cause but certainly could have added to it. Seasonal affected depression is real - cabin fever, winter blues - I know it is real with me. Sometimes it sneaks up on me, I'll realize I'm down, or unproductive, moody and know I need the sun or use lights. Don't forget to exercise! Love, Auntie Anon

Anonymous said...

P.S. Aneurysms? Who was that?

JanetLee said...

Auntie D - there is a distant cousin - Maxy's? - on our side. But the closest is on my dad's side.

I thought is was SAD also as it begun last year around Jan. but never got better and then accelerated rapidly after I stopped BC.