I got a letter from Jesus yesterday. Well, not from the big Guy personally, but from his people. Enclosed was a "prayer rug". Well, a big piece of paper with a nice picture of Jesus on it, thorn o' crowns and all.
Now, they aren't promising me eternal life. They aren't promising me peace on earth. Or peace of mind. No, no no.
See, they got here on this letter all these people who used this prayer rug. One of them got $46,000!! Another lady, in Maryland, got $10,700!! In Delaware, a man got 17 acres of land! In Texas, the lady got a NEW car and a job!!
All you have to do is stare at the picture of Jesus (after first noticing that his eyes are closed in the drawing). Then when you see him open his eyes and look into yours, you take the prayer rug and kneel on it (or just touch it to your knees if you can't kneel down), then you pray. Then you check off on the list of things you want to get: Better Job, A Home, A New Car, A Money Blessing (enter amount:____). Then you send it back with the rug, it is IMPORTANT TO YOU TO DO SO. (So they can send it to someone else, they say so in the letter. Ick. Now I need to go wash my hands, who knows where this one has been.)
I guess God's gone in to competion with the game shows now.
Speaking of which, I am taking the Jeopardy! qualification test on-line tonight. No kidding. Go to www.jeopardy.com and you can register. I need to be at my computer with my sharpened number 2 pencils at 8pm tonight.
Maybe I should rub the prayer rug on my knees before I take the test, huh?