Tuesday, January 05, 2010

For Real?

I have not left my house since Sunday. Umm. It is cold out there. Like 20 degrees cold. I am a Southerner. I have no heavy winter coat. I have no hat, no scarf, well a decorative scarf. I do have gloves only because driving with a cold steering wheel bothers my hands.

I have ice tea in my veins, not blood.

And poor almost former Yankee (he has a few years left on his 30 year residency requirement to be considered a native) Jason is falling into the local weather people hype that it "might" snow here on Friday.

It will not "snow".

There may be a flake or two of snow spotted within the county lines, but that will be it. There will be no snow ball fights, no sledding, no snow angels, no snow men.

Most importantly, there will be no "tossing Thor" into the snow.

Thor sez: Don't even try it, human.
I think this might be an appropriate time to remind our...ahem...more recent residents of the...

Southern Snow Forecasts
....An Interpretation for Yankees...

Snow Flurries:

At least three snow flakes have been spotted in the county.
Call your place of employment and let them know you will be late/staying home.
Tune in to favorite local news station to watch the near continuous coverage.
Call at least five friends/relatives and discuss whether or not bread and milk should be purchased.

Snow Showers:

More than five snow flakes have been spotted within town limits.
All normal activities shall be cancelled.
Local weathermen will be broadcasting continously, fielding calls from Bubba Joe Shoehorn from Strawberry, SC about the near siege conditions inland.
Your presence is now required BY LAW at the nearest Piggly Wiggly. Wear an extra parka to help protect you during the milk/bread riots.


Snow is now visible to the naked eye. Some may be collecting on tree leaves and in shadows.
Every form of business/government is now shut down until the crisis has passed.
Local weathermen begin to drop dead from caffeine-induced heart failure. The talking heads will attempt to carry on, somehow, in the face of sure grim icy death to let you, the viewing public, know that the Piggly Wiggly in Ladson still has two half pints of skim milk available. Bread riots are being reported at the Merita outlet in West Ashley.
The governor will be calling out the National Guard if the snow doesn't melt by noon.

The Day After:

You are required by SC State Law to purchase the extra special edition of the Post Courier, which will have the Blizzard of Whatever Year photo insert, showing the frozen pineapple water fountain, 10,000 filthy, pinestraw studded snowmen, and one poor deluded Yankee soul wandering the streets with a sled, in search of a slope.

Loki sez: I think you're safe, Thor, no snowflakes yet!


Sharon said...

Happy New Year, Janet!

I was out of town from the 18th to the 28th--had a week in San Diego, where the temps at night went down into the 30s and the daytime wasn't a heck of a lot warmer. And in Dalls, where I visited family for Christmas, they had snow and ice.

So much for your warmer climes.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

We have gotten 2 feet of snow in the last 6 days....expecting another 6 inches tomorrow....the temp is 16...I'm used to it...BUT I am also anxious for spring...
only 73 days!!!!

Anonymous said...

It has actually snowed there...enough that an adventurous fellow was arrested for skiing down the Cooper River Bridge - the old Grace bride - that long ago.

Anonymous said...

sorry, should have been Grace bridge.

JanetLee said...

Anon - yes I remember. There have been two big snows here that I have seen - 1973 and 1989. Usually when it snows, it is a dusting that melts by noon. I just meant it was not going to snow this particular time.

snoodles76 said...

I chuckled a few times throughout this, and then I came to the last sentence and broke out in a belly laugh that scared the other lady in my office. Great blog...thank you, I enjoyed this! As someone who has lived in the South all of her life, I know this entire scenario all too well...and it usually ends up with me outside at 6 in the morning trying to catch one of those five flakes on my tounge!