When I got home from work this morning, I followed my usual routine. Change clothes, fix a sandwich, tell the kittens that no, I don’t believe that Daddy forgot to give them breakfast and no, they are not getting a second breakfast, chase them down one by one for kitten kisses and futz around on the computer, usually racking my brain for something interesting to blog about and turning various shades of green over other people’s brilliant blogging skills.

Usually when I do this, the kittens gather in their window spot to laze around, watching the sparrows, whose population is rapidly approaching that of India’s.




Today however, Thor was standing up, staring down in to the bushes with a focus that I have never seen in my little ADD kitten. Loki was also staring, thumping his tail against the window sill.

So I went to stare also.

And didn’t see a thing.

So I opened the front door to get a better look because Thor was ALL about whatever he was staring at.

I hadn’t even got the deadbolt flipped back when they both landed on the floor. Loki was doing that feline “freeze and stare”. Thor was having a purple conniption fit. He was meowing, he was jumping up to swipe at the storm door handle, he was digging at the bottom of the door. He wanted O-U-T and he wanted it NOW.

Then I saw it. A snake in the pine straw in front of the azaleas. Being a girl, I screamed. Well, being a girl who was pretty sure it was a garden snake, I sort of surprised yell/screamed. Thor looked at me like, “Mooooooom! You’re going to scare my new friend away!”

Then the giant field mouse, possibly marsh rat, ran out of the bushes, across the porch, into the other bushes.

That time I did scream. And slam the door. I think one of Thor’s whiskers is caught in the door jamb.

So I did what any normal red blooded American gal does when there is both a snake and a giant rat on her front porch. I called my man.

Who said, “Cool!”

I said, “You don’t understand. I can never, ever leave the house again. I have to stay here forever now.”

Because I’m a sleep deprived idiot, (or just an idiot, that’s possible), I repeated the scene above just to make sure. Snake, check. Giant field mouse, check.

I thought about unleashing the feline fury, but 1) Sutu has never killed a small animal. Brought them to me, still alive, yes. Killed one, no. I’ve caught and released a field mouse and a mole. I did not want to add whatever this was to the list. 2) Thor would just want to lick it and make friends with it. 3) Loki would either kill it in some bloody brutal fashion, dragging gross stuff in to my house or be afraid of it and hide under the bed.

And, although I knew in my mind that it was a garden snake, that little part of me was whispering: Are you sure? Could be a baby copperhead.

So, I can never leave my house again.